Monday, April 20, 2009

When It Rains, I Get Huge Snowballs

Holy. Crap. I am tired. Today was the first day I've been home. Good God, thinking back, my weekend started on Wednesday night and didn't end till I got home at like...6 this morning. I'll be writing about my thoughts of the Mingle party at a later point because I'm still trying to go through all the thoughts I had while partying like a rockstar.

But first things first. So I finally turned in my first piece for one of the websites I'll be writing on. I used to be really good at this whole "save your work as you go along" crap, but dude....I haven't been in school since 2005 which means my rockin' skills as a student are kind of rusty.

I had finished writing my intro piece and was juuuust about to send it when I accidentally deleted the fuggin thing before I sent it. I think I stopped breathing, nearly had a heart attack and then almost managed to pull out all my hair which says a lot about my level of frustration because, dude, I've got a lotta hair.


Yeah, I was pretty pissed. What a dumb ass rookie mistake! I stared at the blank document for what felt like an eternity because I kept hoping it would somehow bust a Frosted Lucky Charms move complete with the cracked out Leprechaun running around ClydeLapTop's screen making all the lost text reappear while screeching "Frosted Lucky Charms!! They're magically delicious!!"

Sadly, this did not happen which did not do much for my faith in Leprechauns. Then again, with the exception of the little cereal dude who is obviously high on his own supply of sugar ....tsk tsk. Rule Number One - never get high off your own supply. He should raid Tony The Tiger's stash of sugar because God knows there's enough sugar in that cereal to fuel the sugar rush for an entire nation of kids. Then again, I'm not sure how well he'd fare against a mascot that's designed after a predatory killer cat. Hm. Dude, that would be a death match I'd be interested to see. I had a point to all this. Oh yeah. I remember now.

So, like I was saying before I got distracted by myself, with the exception of the Lucky Charms dude, Leprechauns freak me out. Dude, have you guys not seen the posters for that crazy killer one in those old slasher flicks?! Ugh. Gross. Agh. Great. I've managed to freak myself out. That's fan-freaking-tastic.

And how the hell did I go from venting my frustration about losing a piece to sugar dealing leprechauns and horror films? Why am I so random???

Anyway, I had to rewrite my intro piece (MDM, you were right. It was MUCH better the second time around) and I sent it in. Luckily for me, I write the way I talk so it wasn't that bad. I'm kind of sort of a paranoid control freak so I check my email a few hours later and saw that I had gotten a response back and it was a good one.

Yes!! Mission accomplished. Once it's online and running, I'll share the link. Things are looking good in terms of this writing thing. I'm actually pretty overwhelmed, in awe and so grateful that people actually not only want to read about the weird thoughts that go through my head but that it brings joy and laughter into their life. For that, I am truly thankful for what I've been blessed with.

Awe....warm and fuzzy feelings!! :D

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Psh, Please

I open my email and am greeted by the following email. Look, Mr. and Ms. Would-Be-Scammers. If you're gonna try to con me outta my hard earned moolah, do me a favor. Learn to spell. It'll make you that much more credible which means I just might be dumb enough to fall for it.


From ::
dateWed, Apr 15, 2009 at 1:17 PM
subjectU.S. Bancorp Customer Account Information !

U.S. Bank Internet Banking is constantly working to increase security for all our Internet Banking users. To ensure the integrity of our online payment system, we periodically review accounts.

Your account might be placed on restricted status. Restricted accounts continue to receive payments, but they are limited in their ability to send or withdraw funds.

* Bonnie Says :: Wow, I'd actually be worried...but hey! I don't have an account with you so I'm aaaaall good. But thanks for being so concerned, Mr. / Ms. Scam Artist. I feel warm and fuzzy now because I know you have my best interest at heart. *

To lift up this restriction, you need to login into your account, then you have to complete our verification process. You must confirm your account details and your billing information as well. All restricted accounts have their billing information unconfirmed, meaning that you may no longer send money from your account until you have updated your billing information on file.

To initiate the billing update confirmation process, please visit U.S. Bank Internet Banking trough our web formular attached to this email.

* Bonnie Says :: Huh??!! What?? The hell is a "trough" in relations to banking? Isn't that what horses and other barnyard animals get their water and feed from? I didn't know you could do banking from them too. And what the hell is a "formular"? Is that like a formula? Dude, I reason why I rely on internet banking to balance my checkbook for me is because I don't WANT to deal with things like math and "formulars". Mmkaythxbye. *

U.S. Bank Investments apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.
Thank you,
[this part was left blank. How shady!!!]

Bonnie Says :: I'd also like to APOLOGIZE for any inconvenience your horrible spelling may cause.

U.S. Bank - Other banks promise great service, U.S. Bank guarantees it.
Please do not reply to this email. This mailbox is not monitored and you will not receive a response. For assistence, log in to your U.S. Bank Internet Banking account and click the Help link located in the top right corner of any U.S. Bank Internet Banking page. This email (including any attachments) is intended for the above-mentioned person(s). If you are not the intended recipient of this email, please delete this email immediately. It is private and confidential and may contain legally privileged information.

Bonnie Says :: Oh brother....please Please PLEASE STEP UP YOUR GAME AND LEARN TO SPELL!!! If Hooked Oh Phonics really works. I highly recommend it for you people.


This concludes Bonnie's Public Service Announcement for the day.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Miss Adventure's Misadventures :: How I Entertain Myself When I Have To Stay Home

Kiss Me Thru The Phone - Soulja Boy Tell`em

It's Saturday night. I have 2 different birthday parties I'm supposed to be at right now. I'm trying to do the grown up and responsible thing by staying at home because :

1. I'm still sick.

Dude, this cold is like a toxic exboyfriend that I just cannot shake! I've tried killing it with hardcore antibiotics (disclaimer - I don't kill my exboyfriends / current boyfriends of the toxic or nontoxic variety because I'm not about domestic abuse / emotional abuse / mental abuse / abuse of any kind nor am I keen on the notion of going to prison, mmkaythxbye. My name ain't Chris Brown) but the punk will not go away. It insists on staying put where it is and driving me crazy. What. The. Hell. Yo.

2. I have to work from today till Wednesday.


So. Since I cannot be out and about with my friends, I decided to play some music as I'm making my lunch for tomorrow and what do I hear? One of my favorite songs!! Yeah, it's the song featured at the beginning of this post. Because it is one of my favorite songs, I do what I always do. I start dancing and once I get started, it's hard to make the Bonnie stop.

I love this song. Why? Because my name's in there. Hell yeah. Within the first minute of the song, you'll hear it.

Baby you know that I miss you, I wanna get with you tonight
But I cannot baby girl and that's the issue
Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone, I'll see you later on
Kiss me thru the phone, see you when I get home

Baby I know that you like me, you my future wifey
Soulja Boy Tell 'Em, yeah
You can be my Bonnie, I can be your Clyde
You could be my wife, text me, call me

That's RIGHT!!

So here's my personal take on it.


Baby, you know that I miss you

Tee hee hee....really?

I wanna get with you tonight

WHAT??!! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! Boy, you better check yoself right about now.

But I cannot baby girl and that's the issue

Damn straight.

Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone, I'll see you later on
Kiss me thru the phone, see you when I get home

Okay, this is more like it. Good things come to those you wait, sweet pea, and patience is a virtue.

Baby I know that you like me

Oh, yeah? Wow, you must have ESPn or something. Tell me something else that I didn't know I was supposed to know.

you my future wifey
Soulja Boy Tell 'Em, yeah

Wait wait wait....whooooa there, Horsey. Sloooow down, cowboy. And what is up with this pep talk you're giving yourself? Shouldn't that be like...I internal conversation? Yeah. That's what I thought.

You can be my Bonnie

Yeah...see....the key word here is "can". Whether or not I will remains to be seen.

I can be your Clyde

You sure can, sweet thaaaaang. But will you be? That, sugar plum, is the question we must ask ourself. Let us meditate on it like true masters of the Ninja.Fu. ;)

You could be my wife, text me, call me

Aaaawww, that's sweet. I'll think about it. :D

I need you in my life, yeah all day ever
yday I need ya
And every time I see ya my feelings get deeper
I miss ya, I miss ya, I really wanna kiss you but I can't
Six, seven, eight, triple nine, eight, two, one, two

Wow. Everyday, huh? THAT'S RIGHT!! YOU BETTA RECOGNIZE!! Haa haa haa!! And, pumpkin, that's not my number. But good try.

Baby I been thinking lately so much about you
Everything about you, I like it, I love it
Kissing you in public, thinking nothing of it
Roses by the dozen, talking on the phone

Aaaw!! Thanks!!

Baby you so sexy, your voice is so lovely
I love your complexion, I miss ya, I miss ya, I miss ya

Aaaaww....tee hee hee...okay, you can call me.



God, I'm such a dork. x)

Friday, April 10, 2009

My Poor Chicken Soup

So I've been super sick and besides curling up like an overgrown fetus on my couch, I've been craving hot soup-y stuff. I felt bad for turning my little brother into my personal gopher so I peeled myself off the couch (which took SuperWoman strength, btw. Dude, I didn't know I was so strong! Yes!!!) and went at it in the kitchen.

There's a Korean soup called SamGyeTang (am I spelling this right??!!) and I didn't realize how close it is to the stuff I grew up drinking when I was little.

Anyway, I happily threw a whole bunch of stuff together into a huge pot and TA DAAAA!!! Soup done!! Here's a picture. I'm so proud.

Chicken Soup!! Yummy!!

So I put the following into it:

- a couple of these dried bark looking things
- a few slivers of this white root looking thingy
- a handful of dried red dates
- some dried chestnuts
- 3 ginseng roots
- a clove of garlic
- a ton of green onions (not literally)
- sea salt

Oh yeah. There's a skinned cornish hen somewhere in all that. Dude, I'm really good at skinning chickens. Maybe I should've been a surgeon. :D

So I'm all proud of myself and I posted it for my friends to see and this is what those dorks said about my lovely soup.

MidasMan - that hen looks like a lil

Mr.Squats - that looks like a little fetus



My Horoscope For This Day

This is pretty crazy. Omg.

Friday, Apr 10th, 2009 -- The Moon's visit to your sign indicates a couple of days of heightened emotional intensity, yet the changes you go through now can be of lasting significance. You might be fearful of the unknown and could react by holding on to an old habit or a relationship that's no longer serving your best interests. But this isn't about recklessly dropping someone or something; it's about initiating action that increases growth and leads to evolution.

Craaaziness. I am scared of the unknown buuuut it's time to stretch those lovely black wings of mine and take flight once more. I"m getting a little tired of sitting pretty on this ledge. I think it's time to take a leap and see how far I can fly.

For those I'm leaving behind in this pretty enclave, the probability of you knowing who you are is pretty slim. The probability of you seeing this is also slim to none. But on the off chance you know who you are and you see this, know that I'm not leaving you behind. I'm merely going out for a ride to see what my next adventure will take me. Home is still home and I'll always come back but right now, my wanderlust is getting the best of me. While I love to adventure via games and what not, sometimes my actual life is stranger than any fiction out there and right now, this is the game I want to play. I'll be back to play again so don't you worry, sweet pea. We all gotta grow up sometime. The difference is I know that I'm a Toys R Us kid at heart and that's what sets us apart from the legions.

I'm a fighter because I, too, am also a survivor and right now, I know what it is that I want. I'm gonna go get it.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


I'm scared. There aren't very many things that freak me out besides clowns but not knowing what the hell I'm doing is definitely one of them. I don't like being scared. That's why when I was little I kicked the clown my parents hired for me in the shins. Just kidding. I just stared at it and inched my way across the yard. My momma taught me better manners that I used most of the time. My need for control is probably why I sign up for classes that will show my n00b ass how to do things right. The beauty of my control issues is that I know when to let go of the reins when I have to. Nice! I'm patting myself on the back right now.

Case in point - this writing thing.

I called my cousin's friend who was a great help in helping me get started on this writing thing. Her name is Cami Walker, her website is and she is an amazing woman. Her story is unbelievable and the movement she started is a testament to just how far we can go if we but dare to dream. Her book is coming out this fall and I know I'm gonna go read it.

Like me, she was a total n00b about this whole writing thing and I am so grateful she took time out of her day to help me by pointing me in the right direction. She gave me a bunch of great advice and also a few sources I should look into if I'm serious about this book writing thing.

I thought about it for a few weeks and didn't do much about it besides just bounce the idea around further in my head like that Pong game from back in the day. Should I? Should I not? Ping Pong PIng Pong goes the idea as it's rattling around my cranium.

And then one day I figured "What the hell. Why not?". Seriously. What have I got to lose? I've got a career as a nurse so it's not like I'm scrambling for a job. I'm a bit gun shy on starting a crazy business now. I'm researching stuff with my mom's friends to see if it'll be worth my while but all this requires a lot of $$$ up front. Writing requires nothing from me except what I've got in my head, a laptop (gotta love ClydeMacBook), some SASE and thick skin.

Dude, I'm all systems go. You know, now that I think about it, most of the more memorable moments of my life have started by me saying to myself "Oh, what the hell. Why the hell not"?. Scary, huh? Haa haa haa!

So I called Jen Sincero of to ask her a few questions about her course. This lady is a best selling author, she talked her way into Oprah and HBO and sells out speaking engagements.

Uh. Dude. Teach me!!! me Me MEEEE!!!

She asked me what my premise of the book would be so I told her. She cracked up laughing and after she was done haa-haa-haa'ing over what I sketched out for her, she was like "Omg, you are so funny!!! And you have a basis for a platform already! You have to do it". So I did.

I signed up for her class, the same class that Cami Walker too, because if Cami could have a workable book proposal by the end of 9 weeks, then dammit, so can I. :)

I'm excited but scared also....but, you know, it's not a bad scared. Kind of like the scared you feel right before you take that huge leap into something new and unfamiliar territory.