Sunday, August 9, 2009

Go, Joe!

I'm going to get to the point. I loved the G.I. Joe movie.

Okay, now that I got that cleared up, I'm going to tell you why. I know what the reviews are. I know what they scored on So ask me if I care. I don't. Besides, I don't take anything seriously from the site named after deteriorating vegetables. I also don't particularly care about the opinions of people I don't know because I'm a big girl now and I can make my own opinions, mmkaythxbye.

So here's why I liked it in a nutshell :

1. Sh!t Gets Blown UP OMG

Don't get me wrong. I love me some chick flicks to get all emo.funkdafied to but I also really Really REALLY love movies that spend most of their budget figuring out ways to blow shit up in really interesting ways.

2. Hot Chicks In Slinky Outfits

There is something incredibly sexy about the female figure. I'm not talking about the supermodels because they remind me of adolescent boys with melons mounted on their chest wall. Not sexy.

Sienna Miller is perfect as the Baroness. Rachel Nichols isn't bad as Scarlett. I didn't really know how I felt about her playing the same character I adored as a little girl who barely knew English but she grew on me.

Did I mention there's a killer girl-on-girl brawl? Not that I advocate violence but some bitches just need their asses kicked. I won't say who won the Catfight Of The Catsuits.

3. Almost * sort of * Hairless Cabana Boys

Ripcord, Duke and Storm Shadow all get half naked.

There is a God. This is probably what will get all the females into the theater. I have to say this is pretty smart of whoever wrote this movie. Not too many girls are like me, meaning :

a. I like video games
b. I like comic books
c. I like movies where stuff gets blown up

However, I can't think of many women who won't enjoy a succulent piece of eye candy. :D

What's even smarter is who they got to get half nekkid. Think about it.

You got your All American in the form of Duke/Channing Tatum.

You got your hot chocolate served up courtesy of Ripcord/Marlon Wayans.

And Storm Shadow/Byung Hun Lee puts it down as a prime example of why Asian men are fucking hot as hell. Hello. Did you not peep that bod on that man? I sure did.

Added bonus and my personal favorite?

4. Hellooooooo, Ninja Man

Hi. I think I love you.
Haa haa haa omg.

I love the strong and silent men. This probably explains my current obsession with Snake Eyes. Yes, he doesn't talk. He's a wounded man. Makes you wanna take his pain away.

He swings wicked katana. He knows his way around a gun. The man doesn't know the meaning of "give up".

Did I mention that outfit of his doesn't exactly leave a whole lot to the imagination?

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