I Can Haz A Workout

So I'm the phone with a girlfriend listening to her epic weekend when I realized that I thought she described her friend's job as "a couch potato...but he's a really motivated one".

Okay. Wait. Rewind.

THEY PAY PEOPLE TO BE COUCH POTATOES?! AND YOU CAN EVEN BE A HIGHLY MOTIVATED ONE?!!! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T MY HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE COUNSELORS TELL ME ABOUT THIS JOB??!! And since it's a job, it must mean it pays!!

I guess she could hear that dead silence on the phone courtesy of me feverishly trying to figure out how this is even possible because I can hear her go "Uh....hello?" and I had to reassure her that I was still on the line. After I asked her to clarify what she said because of what I thought was said, I had to listen to her laugh and gasp out "Omg, Bonnie....you're way too haa haa haa omg haa haa haa cute."

* sigh *

So back on this couch potato thing. I decided that going to the gym is out of the question because it's kind of far away and by the time I talk myself into changing, driving, parking and getting my butt into one, the seasons will have changed and it'll be Christmas time.

This makes me kind of sad because I used to be a workout FIEND. As in, I would be in the gym at last 6 times a week for 3 hours each day. I was a MACHINE!!! Ah-Nold had nothing on me.....except possibly steroids. I'm kidding, your Governatorship. Kidding.

Anyway, I decided that if I can't bring myself to drive the 5 miles to the gym, then I should bring something home so that I would have no excuses. My sister found me one that she SWEARS by and demanded I check it out. I researched it online, found that it was only $9, decided "What the hell....it's $9 which is less than what I'd pay for what passes as a meal in the hospital" and clicked to buy. Now it's here.

I stared at it for a while and admired it's shiny plastic wrapping. After a brief struggle that left me just this side of short of breath, I finally managed to free it from it's super constrictive and very adhesive Safety Tamper thingy. I then decided it was time for a snack and hey, what better way to enjoy a snack than by watching a movie, right?

So I readied a few strips of grilled chicken, some steamed broccoli and water before carrying us all to the living room. I popped in the new workout DVD, settled on my couch and proceeded to watch other people work it out and sweat for 20 minutes while I enjoyed my light lunch.

It was awesome. I felt like I really accomplished something today. I realized that these people doing the exercises are more or less unnatural beings because they can do an ENTIRE grueling workout without making funny faces, grunting or making any other kinds of strange exotic animal sounds all the while keeping a very Barbie-like smile plastered on their face.

Yeah. I'd be beet red, gasping like a fish and trying not to pass out. What happened to me?!

That's it. I'm going to give this thing a try because for $9, seriously, what have I got to lose? ....that is, besides some unwanted pounds. :D

I'm not even looking for the bikini contest body I used to have. Dude, I'll be happy just seeing definition in my arms again. If 400 pound people can do jumping jacks then, dammit, so can I because I'll be spanked by a clown if I epic fail on that one.