My Horoscope For This Day

This is pretty crazy. Omg.

Friday, Apr 10th, 2009 -- The Moon's visit to your sign indicates a couple of days of heightened emotional intensity, yet the changes you go through now can be of lasting significance. You might be fearful of the unknown and could react by holding on to an old habit or a relationship that's no longer serving your best interests. But this isn't about recklessly dropping someone or something; it's about initiating action that increases growth and leads to evolution.

Craaaziness. I am scared of the unknown buuuut it's time to stretch those lovely black wings of mine and take flight once more. I"m getting a little tired of sitting pretty on this ledge. I think it's time to take a leap and see how far I can fly.

For those I'm leaving behind in this pretty enclave, the probability of you knowing who you are is pretty slim. The probability of you seeing this is also slim to none. But on the off chance you know who you are and you see this, know that I'm not leaving you behind. I'm merely going out for a ride to see what my next adventure will take me. Home is still home and I'll always come back but right now, my wanderlust is getting the best of me. While I love to adventure via games and what not, sometimes my actual life is stranger than any fiction out there and right now, this is the game I want to play. I'll be back to play again so don't you worry, sweet pea. We all gotta grow up sometime. The difference is I know that I'm a Toys R Us kid at heart and that's what sets us apart from the legions.

I'm a fighter because I, too, am also a survivor and right now, I know what it is that I want. I'm gonna go get it.

A WHOLE NEW WOOOORRRLLLDDD!!!

I'm scared. There aren't very many things that freak me out besides clowns but not knowing what the hell I'm doing is definitely one of them. I don't like being scared. That's why when I was little I kicked the clown my parents hired for me in the shins. Just kidding. I just stared at it and inched my way across the yard. My momma taught me better manners that I used most of the time. My need for control is probably why I sign up for classes that will show my n00b ass how to do things right. The beauty of my control issues is that I know when to let go of the reins when I have to. Nice! I'm patting myself on the back right now.

Case in point - this writing thing.

I called my cousin's friend who was a great help in helping me get started on this writing thing. Her name is Cami Walker, her website is 29gifts.org and she is an amazing woman. Her story is unbelievable and the movement she started is a testament to just how far we can go if we but dare to dream. Her book is coming out this fall and I know I'm gonna go read it.

Like me, she was a total n00b about this whole writing thing and I am so grateful she took time out of her day to help me by pointing me in the right direction. She gave me a bunch of great advice and also a few sources I should look into if I'm serious about this book writing thing.

I thought about it for a few weeks and didn't do much about it besides just bounce the idea around further in my head like that Pong game from back in the day. Should I? Should I not? Ping Pong PIng Pong goes the idea as it's rattling around my cranium.

And then one day I figured "What the hell. Why not?". Seriously. What have I got to lose? I've got a career as a nurse so it's not like I'm scrambling for a job. I'm a bit gun shy on starting a crazy business now. I'm researching stuff with my mom's friends to see if it'll be worth my while but all this requires a lot of $$$ up front. Writing requires nothing from me except what I've got in my head, a laptop (gotta love ClydeMacBook), some SASE and thick skin.

Dude, I'm all systems go. You know, now that I think about it, most of the more memorable moments of my life have started by me saying to myself "Oh, what the hell. Why the hell not"?. Scary, huh? Haa haa haa!

So I called Jen Sincero of jensincero.com to ask her a few questions about her course. This lady is a best selling author, she talked her way into Oprah and HBO and sells out speaking engagements.

Uh. Dude. Teach me!!! me Me MEEEE!!!

She asked me what my premise of the book would be so I told her. She cracked up laughing and after she was done haa-haa-haa'ing over what I sketched out for her, she was like "Omg, you are so funny!!! And you have a basis for a platform already! You have to do it". So I did.

I signed up for her class, the same class that Cami Walker too, because if Cami could have a workable book proposal by the end of 9 weeks, then dammit, so can I. :)

I'm excited but scared also....but, you know, it's not a bad scared. Kind of like the scared you feel right before you take that huge leap into something new and unfamiliar territory.

The Bonnie & Clyde Theme :: Ice Cube ft. Yo Yo

I chose my first song on my new journal to be "The Bonnie and Clyde Theme" because my name is Bonnie, so...go figure. I thought long and hard about which song to use because music is very important to me and I wanted to pick the right one. So here's why I decided to pick this song. Love is something that is hard to come by and even harder to hold on to. People say that love is something they don't need or want, but in all honesty, somewhere deep inside their heart I'm sure there are times when it's late at night or when they've had a particularly trying day, I know that they, too, are probably wishing just a little bit for that someone special to give them a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

I've still got a whole lotta growing to do and a whole lot more to learn but here's one thing I do know. Not just any warm body will do. That person must be someone you can relate to, someone you can talk WITH (not talk "at" or talk "to". No no no, my friends. You want someone you can talk WITH because then and only then will it be a conversation and not a one-sided barrage of words), have a good time with doing something extremely exciting (like ... sky-diving) or something extremely mundane (playing video / computers game together!! Omg, I'm a FUH-REAK for games. Wanna know why? Cuz I'm a Toys 'R Us kid and I've never really grown up), someone who is stimulating and will help you grow as a person, to debate with, to go on a date with, someone who will let you cry on their shoulder and who will also cry on yours.

Someone who will bring you aspirin when you've got the mother of all hangovers and someone who will drink every last drop of the chicken soup you made just for them when they are sick even though it tastes like rubber cement and proclaim it the best chicken soup they've ever had.

Someone who respects and loves you just the way you are, someone who will gently helps you become a richer person and who you happily do the same for. By "richer", I'm not talking about the Benjies, okay people? Yeah. I'm talking about the stuff that money can never buy.

Someone who share your interests but at the same time, expose you to something new. Someone who will always be loyal to you and who inspires you to do the same. Someone who isn't afraid to share their dreams with you and who you want to be a part of your dreams. Someone who is always supporting you and never treats you like shit, someone who is strong enough to let me support in times when he needs me, someone who will appreciate me despite the path I walked and the invisible scars I accumulated in the process because that was the only way I became the person he loves. - the perfect partner in crime, my version of Clyde.

This person probably doesn't exist but I hope he does. And until our paths cross (or maybe they already did but the time wasn't quite right) I suppose I'll have to slog through a bunch of pseudo-Clydes, but my hope, my fondest wish is that one day, he will find me and I will find him. But, in the meantime, in addition to ranting and raving about utterly random things, I will be ranting and raving about my (mis)adventures in trying to find my Clyde. This should be interesting...