I Can Haz A Workout

So I'm the phone with a girlfriend listening to her epic weekend when I realized that I thought she described her friend's job as "a couch potato...but he's a really motivated one".

Okay. Wait. Rewind.

THEY PAY PEOPLE TO BE COUCH POTATOES?! AND YOU CAN EVEN BE A HIGHLY MOTIVATED ONE?!!! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T MY HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE COUNSELORS TELL ME ABOUT THIS JOB??!! And since it's a job, it must mean it pays!!

I guess she could hear that dead silence on the phone courtesy of me feverishly trying to figure out how this is even possible because I can hear her go "Uh....hello?" and I had to reassure her that I was still on the line. After I asked her to clarify what she said because of what I thought was said, I had to listen to her laugh and gasp out "Omg, Bonnie....you're way too haa haa haa omg haa haa haa cute."

* sigh *

So back on this couch potato thing. I decided that going to the gym is out of the question because it's kind of far away and by the time I talk myself into changing, driving, parking and getting my butt into one, the seasons will have changed and it'll be Christmas time.

This makes me kind of sad because I used to be a workout FIEND. As in, I would be in the gym at last 6 times a week for 3 hours each day. I was a MACHINE!!! Ah-Nold had nothing on me.....except possibly steroids. I'm kidding, your Governatorship. Kidding.

Anyway, I decided that if I can't bring myself to drive the 5 miles to the gym, then I should bring something home so that I would have no excuses. My sister found me one that she SWEARS by and demanded I check it out. I researched it online, found that it was only $9, decided "What the hell....it's $9 which is less than what I'd pay for what passes as a meal in the hospital" and clicked to buy. Now it's here.

I stared at it for a while and admired it's shiny plastic wrapping. After a brief struggle that left me just this side of short of breath, I finally managed to free it from it's super constrictive and very adhesive Safety Tamper thingy. I then decided it was time for a snack and hey, what better way to enjoy a snack than by watching a movie, right?

So I readied a few strips of grilled chicken, some steamed broccoli and water before carrying us all to the living room. I popped in the new workout DVD, settled on my couch and proceeded to watch other people work it out and sweat for 20 minutes while I enjoyed my light lunch.

It was awesome. I felt like I really accomplished something today. I realized that these people doing the exercises are more or less unnatural beings because they can do an ENTIRE grueling workout without making funny faces, grunting or making any other kinds of strange exotic animal sounds all the while keeping a very Barbie-like smile plastered on their face.

Yeah. I'd be beet red, gasping like a fish and trying not to pass out. What happened to me?!

That's it. I'm going to give this thing a try because for $9, seriously, what have I got to lose? ....that is, besides some unwanted pounds. :D

I'm not even looking for the bikini contest body I used to have. Dude, I'll be happy just seeing definition in my arms again. If 400 pound people can do jumping jacks then, dammit, so can I because I'll be spanked by a clown if I epic fail on that one.

The 411 In Progress

Today's class was spent discussing our Bio sheet and Promotional Plans. Having never done anything remotely close to this, I decided to wing it. I apparently have a Ph.D in BS because my teacher really liked it. Freaking awesomeness. For real.

:: About The Author ::

Bonnie N. Clyde is the woman behind the articles featured on YouBentMyWookie and AArising where she enjoys the title of Columnist. To date, she has received close to 10,000 hits within the first two months of going live on YouBentMyWookie. When she's not writing about what she thinks of the entertainment industry or about the trials, tribulations and perils of being a single woman, she is providing entertainment for her friends when she goes out on dates. As a retired bartender, Bonnie is regarded as a Love Guru and is highly sought after as a fountain of wise relationship advice despite being chronically single. Her posts on a networking site garnered her quite a cult and her blogs enjoy a healthy following since she's started writing in the wonderful land known as The Internet in 2000. To date, she is approaching 300,000 hits and is featured on a list of Asian American female bloggers on the site AArising.

In addition to pursuing her love of writing, Bonnie enjoys a fascinating career as an Intensive Care Nurse in a specialty unit where life is never boring, is fueled by adrenaline and powered by enough caffeine to jump start a nation of java junkies. Bonnie also enjoyed over 3 years tending after her flock as a bartender which is like a different kind of nursing. Her ability to transform even the most tragic events into something lighter and humorous in addition to her desire to find the rainbow in every storm cloud is why she has the following she commands online but she secretly believes people enjoy reading her material because they think she's slightly off her rocker.

When It Rains, I Get Huge Snowballs

Holy. Crap. I am tired. Today was the first day I've been home. Good God, thinking back, my weekend started on Wednesday night and didn't end till I got home at like...6 this morning. I'll be writing about my thoughts of the Mingle party at a later point because I'm still trying to go through all the thoughts I had while partying like a rockstar.

But first things first. So I finally turned in my first piece for one of the websites I'll be writing on. I used to be really good at this whole "save your work as you go along" crap, but dude....I haven't been in school since 2005 which means my rockin' skills as a student are kind of rusty.

I had finished writing my intro piece and was juuuust about to send it when I accidentally deleted the fuggin thing before I sent it. I think I stopped breathing, nearly had a heart attack and then almost managed to pull out all my hair which says a lot about my level of frustration because, dude, I've got a lotta hair.

MUTHAFUNKING PIECE OF @#4O(*74(*& !!!!

Yeah, I was pretty pissed. What a dumb ass rookie mistake! I stared at the blank document for what felt like an eternity because I kept hoping it would somehow bust a Frosted Lucky Charms move complete with the cracked out Leprechaun running around ClydeLapTop's screen making all the lost text reappear while screeching "Frosted Lucky Charms!! They're magically delicious!!"

Sadly, this did not happen which did not do much for my faith in Leprechauns. Then again, with the exception of the little cereal dude who is obviously high on his own supply of sugar ....tsk tsk. Rule Number One - never get high off your own supply. He should raid Tony The Tiger's stash of sugar because God knows there's enough sugar in that cereal to fuel the sugar rush for an entire nation of kids. Then again, I'm not sure how well he'd fare against a mascot that's designed after a predatory killer cat. Hm. Dude, that would be a death match I'd be interested to see. I had a point to all this. Oh yeah. I remember now.

So, like I was saying before I got distracted by myself, with the exception of the Lucky Charms dude, Leprechauns freak me out. Dude, have you guys not seen the posters for that crazy killer one in those old slasher flicks?! Ugh. Gross. Agh. Great. I've managed to freak myself out. That's fan-freaking-tastic.

And how the hell did I go from venting my frustration about losing a piece to sugar dealing leprechauns and horror films? Why am I so random???

Anyway, I had to rewrite my intro piece (MDM, you were right. It was MUCH better the second time around) and I sent it in. Luckily for me, I write the way I talk so it wasn't that bad. I'm kind of sort of a paranoid control freak so I check my email a few hours later and saw that I had gotten a response back and it was a good one.

Yes!! Mission accomplished. Once it's online and running, I'll share the link. Things are looking good in terms of this writing thing. I'm actually pretty overwhelmed, in awe and so grateful that people actually not only want to read about the weird thoughts that go through my head but that it brings joy and laughter into their life. For that, I am truly thankful for what I've been blessed with.

Awe....warm and fuzzy feelings!! :D